Here's the truth, or at least, my version of it

The things I'm too afraid to say elsewhere

A memory

I remember when I was young -perhaps around eight years old?- it was after swim practice. I was sitting outside, near the restaurant, waiting to go home. It was starting to get dark. My coach came up to me, the smell of beer seeping through his pores. He put his hand on my shoulder. He leaned in and whispered into my ear. I’m sure it seemed innocent enough to everyone else, but I felt like my personal space was completely and utterly violated.

To this day, I still can’t stand having anyone with beer breath close to me.  

To have my husband fall asleep smelling of beer in our bed triggers that memory in me. 

I hate it.

It makes me skin crawl.

PTSD

I was diagnosed with PTSD at the start of my second year of uni. It was a double-edged sword: Relief, that this darkness that had consumed me for years had a name. Sadness, because there are so many stereotypes associated with it… It seemed like such a hopeless disease.

A handful of people know about my ‘condition.’ I don’t like talking about it- I don’t like seeing the pity that washes -however briefly- across their faces. But perhaps, it’s time to share. 

At least, to you. Whoever you are, wherever you may be.